Week 7! Halloween is just a stone’s throw away!
Anyone up for one of those pumpkin spice flavored beverages that really just taste like melted-down potpourri your grandmother purchased in an antique shop? No? Fine.
Before we look at week 7, we’re obligated to emphasize that Halloween, while full of frightful fun, can also pose serious dangers for you and your children. I don’t need to warn you that many troublemakers and dangerous people come out to prey on trick-or-treaters on Halloween night.
But, brother, we’ve got you…!
This week, The Metal Pix presents 5 of the most effective Trick-or-Treating tips to make your kids’ All Saints’ Eve an All “Safe” Eve:
- Adopt the “herd” mentality by trick-or-treating in groups of 400,000.
- Be sure your child’s handgun has at least a 10-round magazine and is at least .38 caliber to ensure stopping power.
- Dress your child in a costume that’s entirely black to make him/her/they/them virtually invisible to potentially dangerous motorists.
- Equip your child’s costume with an array of safety flares.
- Do not ring doorbells…under any circumstances!
Oh yes!
Let’s do the Pix!
Week 6 Record: 8 – 7
~ Thursday Night Football ~
Patriots @ Bears: As of this writing, this one is anyone’s guess. It’s also a reunion of Super Bowl XX which capped the “magical” season of the 85’ Bears. It’s been 41 years, and both of these teams look pretty good at 4-2.
At a minimum, Patriots’ QB, Drake Maye can take his chances passing against a defense that’s given up significant yardage over the past 2 weeks.
Pick – Patriots | Strength of Pick: 7 out of 14
~ Sunday ~
Steelers @ Saints: These overseas games are obnoxious, and I have absolutely no faith in either one of these teams. Security questions have been raised about holding an NFL game in Paris while the city essentially burns, but league officials assure us that the protests are just about student affordability concerns and nothing else.
Nonetheless, to accommodate modern French sensibilities, the NFL has announced that this first ever game taking place in Paris will include special endzone messaging by having “Allahu Akbar” painted onto the field.
While not unusual for the NFL to paint social justice-oriented political messages into the endzone, such as “Inspire Change,” “End Racism,” and “Vote,” this will be their first overtly religious message.
Will the Steelers use this chance to start winning games they’re supposed win, or will the civil unrest in France give Aaron Rodgers a new platform to…you know…be Aaron Rodgers?
Pick – Steelers | Strength of Pick: 6 out of 14
49ers @ Falcons: The 6-and-0 49ers lost the one player they could least afford to lose: Mike Evans. The 33-year-old exited just before halftime in last week’s tilt with the Commanders – did the team’s spirit leave with him?
Pick – 49ers | Strength of Pick: 12 out of 14
Cleveland @ Titans: The Cleveland Browns have very quietly moved atop the AFC North on a tiebreaker, though few are ready to buy in.
Another interesting dynamic – the Titans had a strange situation unfold with defensive tackle Jordan Elliott this week, and that could serve as a distraction today. At 1-and-6, the Titans are bad enough without them.
Anyway, the Titans released Elliott on Tuesday over an incident in which he got into a practice fight with a teammate. Their beef got so heated that Elliott was told to leave practice – at which point, sources say, he went to retrieve a firearm out of his car.
Must have been some altercation.
Pick – Cleveland | Strength of Pick: 8 out of 14
News Flash: After significant bipartisan backlash, President Donald Trump ordered the Pentagon to cancel the livestream of convicted domestic terrorist Nidal Hasan’s execution and instead move it over to pay-per-view.
Dubbing the PPV show “FORT HOOD: THE RECKONING,” Trump set the price at $79.99, with an undercard featuring five other executions of death row inmates in Texas. Be there!
Colts @ Vikings: After allowing the Titans to end a seven-game losing streak and an 11-game skid in the AFC South, you knew heads were gonna roll in Indianapolis last week.
And roll they did.
The first to go was longtime general manager Chris Ballard. Now head coach Shane Steichen, who was already on shaky ground, looks to be squarely in the crosshairs as well. It’s a bona fide “front office shake-up” that ought to do little if anything to help the Colts get past undefeated Minnesota today.
Pick – Vikings | Strength of Pick: 14 out of 14
Dolphins @ Jets: Not exactly the two hottest teams in the league. While these two downtrodden operations pose no immediate threat to hoist the Lombardi Trophy, they always provide an entertaining AFC East battle.
But what should be a layup win for the Jets likely gets bungled again on their home turf.
Dolphins get their first W of the season!
Pick – Dolphins | Strength of Pick: 2 out of 14
Buccaneers @ Panthers: Tampa Bay’s QB, Baker Mayfield, might return! Will it matter? Has it ever…?
Pick – Panthers | Strength of Pick: 13 out of 14
Bengals @ Ravens: An AFC North showdown featuring 2 teams you can never count on when you need them most. This is an impossible pick at this point because of the QB situation. I’ll take the team coming off a bye.
Pick – Bengals | Strength of Pick: 5 out of 14
Giants @ Texans: As I write this, the Giants’ starting quarterback is still a mystery. Jameis Winston or J.J. McCarthy? (Each is also his own mystery.) As for the Texans, the defense has coughed up 30-plus points in half their games this season and nearly blew a double-digit fourth-quarter lead for the second time in three weeks.
I’ll go with John Harbaugh’s brain and strategy over Houston who’s coming off a game in London, and that isn’t always ideal.
Pick – Giants | Strength of Pick: 1 out of 14
Broncos @ Cardinals: Arizona’s win over the L.A. Rams last weekend got more attention than the sighting of a shirtless ice fisherman, but don’t expect a miraculous turnaround for the desert’s Red Birds.
Pick – Broncos | Strength of Pick: 11 out of 14
Packers @ Lions: And, voila’! Just like that, the 4-2 Packers have climbed to second in their division, and QB Jordan Love’s name has entered the MVP debate.
Even with the league’s worst rushing attack, the Packers’ trajectory finally seems to be pointing in the right direction. Which is why it’s the perfect time to get powerhouse RB Josh Jacobs back on the field.
Pick – Packers | Strength of Pick: 3 out of 14
Rams @ Raiders: The nightmares in L.A. continue. Last week, the Rams…the team that was expected to be No. 1 at the end of this season…fell to 2-and-4 after a ghastly loss to a defensive unit that had been giving up over 32 points a game.
Rams’ Replacement kicker Blake Grupe, all 156 pounds of him, did manage to boot a successful field goal last week, but went on to suffer a knee injury trying to tackle Cardinals kick returner Devin Duvernay. And by “trying to tackle,” I mean getting trucked over, then cartwheeling through the air like a Hollywood stuntman.
Talk about Lost in L.A.?!
So this is what all-galaxy defensive end Aaron Donald came out of retirement to be a part of? I’m picking the Rams just because they’re due for one.
Pick – Rams | Strength of Pick: 10 out of 14
Chiefs @ Seahawks: Remember that song “Quit Playing Games (With My Heart)” by the Backstreet Boys that was all over ’90s radio? I was looking for a way to comment on Seattle’s season thus far, and…let’s just leave it at that.
Onto K.C. – Until the undefeated Chiefs beat a real contender, they’ll remain a team that still has to prove last year’s 6-11 finish was a fluke.
Pick – Chiefs | Strength of Pick: 9 out of 14
~ Monday Night Football ~
Cowboys @ Philadelphia: Talk about the “Blown Expectations Bowl…!” I think the most interesting thing about the 2-and-4 Dallas Cowboys is former QB Tony Romo, who has gone from color-commentating prodigy to cautionary tale to unemployed.
According to sources, Romo is making some extra money this fall, having landed the role of a lifetime as a Halloween lawn ornament in Idaho.
Pick – Cowboys | Strength of Pick: 4 out of 14
Enjoy the Games ~ Love you guys
Jason
