It’s week one!
And that means…hello NFL! Goodbye family!
Fantasy football managers and NFL players are about to have the time of their goddamned lives ruining relationships on Sunday afternoons.
No more using weekends for relaxation so we can return to our employers refreshed and ready to give a mediocre effort. No sir! From now on, fantasy football rules! So much for personal interests, dance recitals, or that kayak thing that certain people seem to be into.
Henceforth, plans, chores, family outings, and basic conversation are hereby postponed until “after the 4:25 games.”
Let’s do the Pix!
PRE-PICKED | Wednesday, 9.09
Patriots @ Seahawks: It’s true that Patriots football fans view a 9–8 season as if it were a national emergency, but I had a hard time getting a read on this one. New England plays a tougher schedule this year and their team is thin. The head coach said so himself.
Pick: Seahawks | Strength of Pick: 16 out of 16
PRE-PICKED | Thursday, 9.10
Niners @ Rams: This one was in Australia – Other than the league’s extended efforts in “runaway commercialism,” I can’t understand why.
As for the game, the Rams team responded to a close-but-no-cigar 2025 season by burning a 1st round pick on an undersized QB with a total of 15 games on his resume. While I don’t understand the franchise’s logic, this is a team that seems to know what it’s doing, unlike the Niners who, despite having a criminally eventful offseason, never quite seem to “get there.”
Whoever comes out on top, it’ll be fun to see how NFL players perform after a 15-hour flight.
Pick: Rams | Strength of Pick: 12 out of 16
Sunday, 9.13
Buccaneers @ Bengals:
The Bengals haven’t been able to get outta the month of September with fewer than two losses since 2021 and QB Joe Burrow just hasn’t been good in week one. A notorious slow starter, Burrow boasts a single touchdown pass in his last three season openers. And having a defense that leaked like a broken water main last year doesn’t help matters.
Now I’m never very comfortable picking the Buccaneers on the road, but weird things happen in week one.
Pick: Tampa Bay | Strength of Pick: 8 out of 16
Saints @ Detroit: The Lions had a top-5 offensive unit in 2025, yet they could scarcely muster 9 wins. Today is one of the “gimmes” on their schedule, and I don’t see them blowing that opportunity.
Not that the Saints must contend with crippling expectations this season, as there aren’t any…
Pick: Detroit | Strength of Pick: 5 out of 16
Jets @ Titans: These two teams seem to be going from ‘next man up’ to ‘is there literally anyone else available?’
There’s not much to be excited about here. And two bad teams going head-to-head isn’t very inspiring when you’re trying to write something about the game.
Oh! Let’s fire our head coach early in the season and deliberately tank! Is it the pathway to relevance in the NFL?
Let’s see what the Jets do…
Pick: Jets | Strength of Pick: 2 out of 16
Ravens @ Colts: Both teams faltered down the stretch last season; a phenomenon that caused most of us to forget how good Ravens’ QB, Lamar Jackson, is.
I expect the Colts to remind us…
Pick: Ravens | Strength of Pick: 5 out of 13
Falcons @ Steelers: Is it just me, or is there an air of “untrustworthiness” to this Steelers team? The Mike McCarthy / Aaron Rodgers era in Pittsburgh is either going to produce magic or prove to be one of the biggest, fastest-lit dumpster fires in league history.
Not to pour on any unnecessary drama, but if the Steelers can’t win this game by a touchdown or more, they should automatically be eliminated from playoff contention.
Pick: Falcons | Strength of Pick: 3 out of 16
Bears @ Panthers: The Panthers may have won a none-of-the-above division last year, but QB Bryce Young proved in the preseason why he’s still one of the most frustrating QBs in the league when he and the first-team offense were obliterated by the Texans defense. Young was sacked seven times, was intercepted twice and fumbled.
Hence, I’m not very high on the Panthers against Chicago.
And expectations in Chicago are sky-high in 2026…
Pick: Bears | Strength of Pick: 9 out of 16
Browns @ Jacksonville: The Jaguars ever-so-quietly won 13 games last season, and that was without 2025’s No. 2 pick, all-galaxy corner-back Travis Hunter, for much of the year.
Look. Watching football on Sundays should be an opportunity to put life on pause – to escape whatever else is happening for a few hours. With Deshaun Watson being named the starting QB for the Browns, the entire city of Cleveland was robbed of that. The real losers here are the Cleveland fans.
Pick: Jaguars | Strength of Pick: 14 out of 16
Bills @ Texans: In the only state where there are more guns than people (perhaps as the Good Lord intended?), all eyes will be on Bills’ QB, Josh Allen. It’s rare to see Allen NOT in control, but let’s not overlook the fact that he was sacked a career-high eight times in a 23-19 loss to the Texans last season. A vitally important piece of the Bills 2026 winning strategy, Josh Allen doesn’t scramble; he conducts live-action insurance claims…
Pick: Texans | Strength of Pick: 7 out of 16
Dolphins @ Raiders: It’s been nearly a quarter of a century since the Raiders fielded a playoff team, and it’s almost fun to speculate just how bad the 2026 Miami Dolphins might be. Commanding the Miami offense will be QB Malik Willis who has six starts in four seasons. Meanwhile, the Raiders are putting an aging Kirk Cousins at the helm; a QB with mobility that is neither precise nor balletic. Pair that with the Raiders’ weak group of wide receivers and, frankly, there may be no winners here at all.
Pick: Dolphins | Strength of Pick: 1 out of 16
Packers @ Minnesota: Arizona cast-off Kyler Murray now finds himself being asked to marshal an offense in the NFC North – that’s murderer’s row for the former #1 overall pick. I don’t know if the Vikings’ one-year rental quarterback strategy is the result of a bad burrito, but at least the Minnesota offense can’t be much worse than it was in 2025.
Pick: Packers | Strength of Pick: 11 out of 16
Commanders @ Eagles: The Commanders went from a 12 – 5 record to 5 – 12 last season and will kick off their 2026 season by getting choke-slammed by one of the best teams in the league.
Pick: Eagles | Strength of Pick: 10 out of 16
‘Zona @ Chargers: I didn’t think anyone would pick Arizona on the road to take down the Chargers, but you just don’t see an opening week spread this large very often (+10).
Preseason left Cardinal fans with little to be excited about – just a bad football team loaded with roster holes that looks entirely incapable of protecting the talented RB whom the franchise drafted 3rd overall last year.
Chargers coach Jim Harbaugh has a 6-0 record in regular-season openers. Fate has certainly presented him with another winnable opener in 2026.
Pick: Chargers | Strength of Pick: 15 out of 16
Cowboys @ Giants: Winning? Dallas? That hasn’t happened since Aikman’s days. Well, at least not when it matters most. In fact, with midterm elections scarcely two months away, the nation’s most prominent members of the Republican Party are reportedly preparing to gather in Dallas to get advice from the Cowboys on how to “blow it” in the month of November.
Pick: Cowboys | Strength of Pick: 4 out of 16
~ MNF ~
Broncos @ Chiefs: A well-coached roster loaded with talent. And I’m not talking about the Chiefs. Broncos coach Sean Payton said his QB, Bo Nix, is ready for Week 1, and Broncos fans are among the league’s most optimistic.
Look for KC to test that enthusiasm by applying pressure to Nix, who relies extensively on his mobility and is fresh off a pair of offseason ankle surgeries.
Pick: Chiefs | Strength of Pick: 6 out of 16
There it is! The Week One Narrative. Check out the Pix again on Sept. 20th as I take a look at Week Two in the NFL and touch on how NOT to get talked into becoming a doomsday prepper!
Enjoy the Games | Love you guys
Jason
themetalpix.blog 